here goes nothing…

hello. I am new to this…

over the last few months my life has changed massively. As I struggle to come to terms with the fact that MS has taken up residence in my brain every day is like an emotional assault course…highs of unfeasible clarity and crushing lows of fear, terror and an unbearable sense of loss. Over recent months I am struck by the fact that my life (and me) as I knew it is, in many ways over, and a new one has grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and is frog marching me down a very long, dark corridor.

I am not a blogger. I am not even very computer literate. But the idea of a blog; an anonymous way of recording (and sharing) my experiences seemed like something that could focus me a little. Still my mind. Perhaps be helpful (or amusing). Even if it read by no-one it exists. A vessel for my thoughts & feelings. Many of which I might find hard to share over a coffee in soft play. Or a the school gates.

I do not think I am alone in my struggles. Anyone (?) reading this is going to know a parent with chronic illness, or is one; if not now then in the future. They may even have been parented by one. My experience is only that. But illness touches all of us in some way or another. Its a universal truth.  

When I was going through the excruciatingly drawn out and terrifying diagnosis process a friend said to me “It wont be MS. It wont be you. It wont”. To which I replied ” Why not me? …Why not?”. And that thought has stayed with me. Why wouldn’t it be me? And so it is.